What if I hate how I look in my photos?(A gentle read if you’re feeling unsure about being in front of the camera)

This is something that comes up more often than you might think — in conversations with clients, friends, even other photographers. It’s that horrible, sinking feeling when you see a photo of yourself and think - 'is that really what I look like?'. Maybe you’re disappointed. Maybe you’re embarrassed. Maybe it’s enough to make you not want to be photographed again at all.

Whether it’s putting you off booking a shoot, or you’ve already had your photos taken and you’re struggling to connect with them — I want to start by saying this: you’re not alone.

Lots of us (especially women, but not only women) find it hard to see ourselves in photos. It can feel exposing. Confronting. Weirdly emotional. And while it’s easy to assume it’s just about not liking how we look, there’s usually more to it than that.

One reason this happens is because we’re not used to seeing ourselves the way other people do. We’re used to the mirror — our most familiar reference point — and that’s not actually how we appear to the outside world. A photograph flips us back the “right” way round, and suddenly our face looks subtly different. Our smile feels off. The way we’re standing looks unfamiliar. It can be jarring, even if there’s nothing technically wrong with the image itself.

Then there’s the way we look at photos... scanning straight away for anything we don’t like. We zoom in on the bits we’re self-conscious about. The double chin. The arms. The eye bags. The posture. Whatever your personal “thing” is, your eyes will find it immediately. And when we focus in like that, we lose all the context. We miss the story of the picture — the moment, the connection, the feeling. We become obsessed with picking ourselves apart in a still image, when no one else is even looking at those things.

But I think the hardest bit is this: so many of us have spent years being trained to criticise how we look. We’ve been conditioned to be self-deprecating, to see beauty as a standard to meet rather than something we already hold. And photographs — especially professional ones — can feel like some kind of test we’re supposed to pass. So if we don’t love how we look, it feels like failure.

If this sounds familiar, I want to gently offer a few ways to think differently. And I say gently because this isn’t about suddenly loving every photo ever taken of you. That’s not realistic. But it is possible to soften some of the discomfort.

One thing that helps is to try looking at photos from a place of feeling rather than judgement. Instead of focusing on your face or body, ask yourself: What’s happening here? What did that moment feel like? What would someone who loves me see in this image? When we let go of critique and look at photos through the lens of memory and connection, we see something deeper.

Another thing — give it time. This might sound strange, but often people only come to love a photo weeks, months, even years after it was taken. That little girl beaming in your arms. The sun on your face during a holiday. The slightly chaotic, brilliant mess of your real life. You might not love how you look at first, but in time, you might love what it meant.

And as for me, your photographer, what can I do? I wish I could promise to make you love every single photo of yourself. I can’t do that, and I never want to make false promises. But here’s what I can do: I can create a space where you feel comfortable. I can gently guide you so you’re not left awkwardly wondering what to do with your hands. I can focus on capturing moments that feel real, the tenderness, the quiet in-between bits that are so you. I can show you a version of yourself that maybe you don’t see every day, but others do.

And I’ll never, ever judge if you look at your photos and feel a bit unsure. I get it. I’ve been there. You can talk to me about it — honestly — and I’ll listen. It’s all part of the process, and it’s okay.

So if this blog speaks to something you’ve been feeling — please know it’s valid. You’re not being vain, or difficult, or ungrateful. You’re just being human. And you absolutely deserve to be seen in photos, even if you’re still learning to love the way you’re seen.

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, I really hope you found it helpful. Please get in touch if you want to know more about any of the photography services I offer, including:

Resources for Photographers 

Newborn photography

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Headshots

Personal Branding Photography

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